Lake Station Indiana

 We came by the truck stop in Lake Station, IN. The exit for it is closed, which makes me happy. It's been 8 years, 2 months and 26 days since I was there last and I still have no care to ever see their bathrooms again. I can still tell you exactly where they are and which stall I was in that day. Yes, pain gets less sharp, but you never forget... I can also tell you something about rejoicing. I CAN rejoice, most of the time, that that baby is in Heaven. Now. Not then.

 That doesn't stop me from remembering that I would have an 8 year old this January or that I would be teaching 3rd grade this year. But it doesn't hurt as bad as it once did. It's older and softer when I think of it. Not sharp and stabbing like thinking of Radley. It's an old comfortable hurt. Familiar. Weird description I suppose, but that's how it is. That baby is bigger up there. The oldest of all my kids. Showing all the rest of the angel kids the ropes in Heaven.

 The other day they were running through a field of flowers. I couldn't see what the two oldest were wearing or what they looked like, but Raina was wearing a white dress and had flowers in her hair. She had beautiful hair. Kind of a cross between Rachel's white hair and Rosie's strawberry blonde. And she was holding Radley's hand and they were running after the older kids. And dad was wandering along after them. I didn't see what he looked like either, I just know it was him because I recognized his shape and size.

 Anyway. My point is, I know that someday, years down the road I will probably feel the same way about Radley as I do about my oldest angel. I have said it all along you know. It just takes times and lots of tears to wear away all the sharp edges. Happy Heaven day all you kids! May you be as wild in Heaven as you would have been on earth! Love, your mama.