Don't Drink and Read

How many of you remember back 900 years ago when you took hour long showers?

    *crickets*

 Okay, never mind. Forget I asked such a foolish question. Let's move on.

 I vaguely remember taking hour long showers. I even took them regularly during the week! But then I got married and moved into a truck. Please pardon my BO, but you can't exactly take a shower regularly in a truck. Some days you don't have TIME to stop and some days you're so exhausted by the time you stop that you don't have the gumption to gather up everything needed to get properly de-grimed and some days you stop at a rest area in the middle of Montana and the loudest thing you hear all night is your husband snoring. I have literally been awakened by cows, who came all the way over from their ranch 3 miles away and knocked politely on our door asking for that horrible noise to stop because it was ruining their digestion. That has nothing to do with a shower. Please forget I mentioned it.

 You will be thankful to hear that I faithfully brushed my teeth every day while in the truck, even tho' the showers fell slightly to the wayside. Not once did a customer see fur on my teeth. My husband's teeth are a different story entirely. I bet if you gazed at his chompers this very minute you'd be knocked over. The man has no fear of the dentist unless he's sitting in their office looking at the vast array of chisels and picks and hammers and wads of cotton and drills and spittoons.

 For some reason I keep jumping off the tracks tonight... Perhaps I should be in bed. I usually SHOULD be in bed when I get posts in my head and I can't rest until I write though, so here I sit all full of wit. Maybe I should have posted a disclaimer at the beginning of this. *pause* There. Took care of that part. I just changed the title. Bet you wouldn't have even know that if I hadn't told you would you??

 A N Y W A Y. When I took showers in the truckstops, I always took an hour also. Sometimes it wasn't so much the showering part that took so long. Sometimes it was the putting the dirty clothes back into the bag that took a long time. Especially when I did things like stand up under the door knob. That is pretty much guaranteed to rearrange your countenance. Hurt like blazes. Almost worse than the time I stood up under the trailer because I thought I was clear. (I wasn't.) That door knob felt similar to the heat guards around the pipes, when you stand up under them. Except it only left a small sore spot instead of a half circle sore ring thing all along the whole top of my head... We shall not discuss door knobs anymore. They are painful.

 Back to the point of my tale of woe? I had a kid. And then another one. And then another one after that. Now I am back to somewhere halfway between the shower on schedule every couple days and shower once every 40 days and 40 nights whether you need it or not. And for those of you who know what I'm talking about and who will understand, my showers are now 10 minutes long. Mr. Husband couldn't believe it last time I went in the truck with him. He may or may not have said that his beard hadn't even had time to re-grow by the time I was done with my shower. And THAT my friends is impressive.

 Well, it only takes 10 minutes unless I have to shave my legs. Then it takes 13 minutes. Meanwhile, unless you hire a babysitter or wait until midnight to take your shower, your offspring are trying to kill each other or visit the neighbors. Sometimes both simultaneously. Do you moms remember the last time you took a shower without someone picking the lock on your bedroom door, sneaking in and then pushing the FREEZING cold shower curtain on to your entire left side when you have your eyes closed reveling in the peacefulness of hearing nothing but water running and smelling some sort of yummy shampoo or body wash? Ruins the vibes. Unless you're talking about the vibes that happen to your vocal cords when you feel that cold clammy shower curtain hit you. And then you have to start worrying about ghosts, because you woke half the dead in the cemetery across town. Dangerous operation. Maybe I should just stop showering. It'd cure a lot of problems.