Well Meaning

 I'm so tired of explaining to people the difference between well meaning people and people who mean well. Apparently it's hard to understand that there's a big fat difference.

 People who mean well don't come up to you and give you logical explanations that mean nothing to you. They don't tell you things that are on written on "Don't" lists and published in books everywhere in the world. They don't tell you you should caper happily about the house when they have pregnancies than end with live babies that stay that way. They don't expect you to leave your house if you don't feel like it. They don't tell you you have to do... anything. They don't tell you you should or shouldn't or give you a laundry list of things to try. They don't try to fix you or make you feel better, because they know you can't be fixed by their words and you won't feel better from anything they say. They tell you it's okay to cry, they hug you, they let you talk and talk and talk and they listen. They remember and they don't get uncomfortable every time you mention your dead baby's name because they know they are still your babies. And this is just a short list off the top of my head. I could expound for hours on the pure love that people who mean well shower on you all the time. 

 Well meaning people tell you all about God's brain function, they tell you about strong faith and require you to have it, they expect you to sing and dance because there's a bigger picture that they know about and you're too fogged up to comprehend. They want you to snap out of it, and let it go and move on and stop dwelling on the past. You should be cheerful and accepting of whatever they decide God decided for you because they know him much better than you. And if they don't know this, they should perhaps stop implying there is some sort of phone line to heaven that only they are special enough to know the number for.

 Well meaning people come up with word vomit for one reason. So THEY can feel better. They can feel like THEY gave some great speech that nobody else had ever thought of yet, poor saps. They helped you FEEL better with their over-used, long outdated bandaid that somebody should have thrown in the garbage thirty years ago. They speak so they can feel comforted about YOUR tragedy, whatever kind it is. Never mind that if they actually wanted to make you feel better they'd do a bit of research and figure out real fast that none of the stuff they wanted to say was helpful.

 I'm not sitting here telling you some new thing. I'm telling you stuff that I don't like, and neither do the bajinty-zillion other grieving people. Some of these well meaning speeches have been around hurting grieving parents for longer than I've been alive! Come on now, isn't it time to throw out your rusted out dictionary of platitudes and move on to something else? I've asked before, is your opinion or your feeling that you MUST SAY that certain set of words worth another person's salvation?

 There's a lot of smut said that does nothing but make people wanna turn away from God forever. Not everybody has the ambition and willpower or even the care to debunk the myths that are so freely spouted like sewer from a backed up toilet. And they ARE myths. There's not a shred of truth to half of them.

 So why is it so important to try to convince me, us, whoever, that people are well meaning? Why? Why not actually join the ranks of those of us shouting, screaming or whispering that hurtful words hurt no matter the reason they're spoken? Why dump another platitude on our head when we're already sick of them?

 "There there dear, I know that bucket of acid hurt and burned like the dickens, but they meant well. They only wanted to be sure your skin graft would actually hold up to walking through the briar patch when you get out of this hospital bed. Just embrace them and thank them for pouring it on you. They didn't realize that acid on open skin could possibly hurt you!" 

 How about you stop trying to convince us of somebody else's motive and meaning which you don't actually know your own self (because you aren't them,) and start helping us tell them the proper things to do and say. How about being helpful with your help for a change? Now there's an idea! Are you getting the bigger picture that's involved here yet?

 THAT is what I mean when I say I don't believe in well meaning anymore. Because I don't. I believe there are people who mean well, but I no longer believe there are well meaning people.