Don't

 Along with the list of "please do this stuff for us," I got a list of many things not to do. So here it is, once again in no particular order...

  Don't make people explain themselves when you ask how many kids they have.

  Don't say, "At least you still have other kids."

  Don't argue with us about what type of loss it was. If we say it was a still birth, it was a still birth.

  Don't say, "Be grateful for the kids you have, you need to focus on them."

  Don't turn away in disgust when you ask how we are doing and we don't say that we're doing great or fine or wonderful.

  Don't say "Everything happens for a reason."

  Don't make us feel ashamed of our tears.

  Don't say; "They are in a better place,"

"God needed another angel,"

"This is God's plan,"

"God needed them in heaven,"

"God sends these things to try us,"

"This is God's will,"

"You need to rejoice,"

"They're work on earth was done,"

"They lived their exact amount of days and you can't second guess that,"

"It was his time."

"You would never wish them back here."

  Don't send a 3D ultrasound picture of your baby to the mom who just lost her's. Or an ultrasound picture either for that matter. There's a time and a place for doing those things and soon after a loss is not that time.

  Be sensitive when loudly wishing your baby was still tiny to the mom who's baby IS still tiny because he's not here anymore.

  Don't say, "At least you know you can get pregnant."

  Don't say, "I know exactly how you feel." You don't.

  Don't say, "He's so much better off though!"

  Don't say, "Call if you ever need anything!" or make vague offers to help or visit.

  Don't feel like you HAVE TO say something, most of the time words will only get you in trouble.

  Don't say, "Have more faith!" or "Just trust God!"

  Don't look at me or treat me with pity.

  Don't say, "You have to be very careful what you think when you're pregnant or God can cause you to have a miscarriage!"

  Don't say, "You look so much better now than you did before."

  Don't say, "They wouldn't want you to be sad."

  Don't say, "You're young, you can have more."

  Don't expect the grieving person to attend any functions, or even church for that matter!

  Don't make us feel guilty for losing our child.

  Don't faithfully announce every birth, due date, or pregnancy you hear about to the mom who just lost her baby.

  Don't say how busy you and and then tell us to call if we need anything, we don't want to burden you any further!

  Don't say, "At least you still have your husband."

  Don't send baby shower invitations to the mom who just lost her baby... For at least a year.

  Don't project your feelings on to us.

  Don't complain about how hard it is to parent a newborn to us. Some day we will commiserate with you again, but it may take a while.

  Don't say, "Be thankful for the time you had."

  Don't minimize our pain by telling us the stories of people who lost more kids than we did and kept having more.

  Don't say, "Time heals all wounds."

  Don't tell me it wasn't a baby yet.

  Don't say, "There was probably something wrong,"

"It's probably best this way."

  Don't tell us to "Get over it," or

"Move on."

  Don't tell me my child needs a baby brother a few months after we buried the one they were supposed to be getting.

  Don't expect us to be "over it" after a year.

  Don't ell us that our remaining children still "have their sibling." They don't, and they are just as aware of that fact as we are. 

  Don't ask, "Aren't you over THAT yet?!"

  Don't say, "At least you didn't have to go through labor!" 

  Don't put any sort of time limit on us.

  Don't tell us we're wrong for feeling... anything.

  Don't tell us that our child is better off in heaven so they won't have to suffer through this horrible world and then tell us that you're pregnant.

  Don't suggest prayer as though it's a new concept we maybe hadn't tried yet.

  Don't ignore the fact that I lost a child.

  Don't argue with me about my child's existence. I promise I know exactly how many I've had and when they were born and when they died.

  Don't tell us how to feel or what to think.

  Don't compare our loss to the loss of your dog, parent, cat, grandparent or cousin or even your own child. It's different. Always.

**Helpful hint: If your sentence begins with the words "At least" you should probably keep it to yourself.**