Tuesday, August 7, 2012

? ? ?

  Here are a few random questions that I have had burning a hole in the back of my brain during my long hiatus from my blog because of a severe case of writer's block/summer/canning/gardening/trucking/job changes/kids/needing sleep/eating too many things at the fair. I really HAVE been planning to come on here and update... ever since that fateful day a month and a half ago when I said I was gonna write cliff notes in my phone so I'd remember what I wanted to say on here. Let me give you a clue about my brain power. I logged out of Blogger and promptly forgot I'd ever said such a thing. But tonight I was ordered to BLOG -at gunpoint, over the phone, by Tsasa, who some of you may know, some of you may love, some of you may be annoyed by and who some of you wouldn't know if she came at YOU with that Over-The-Phone gun. *snicker* (Hi, Tsasa! :P Now that I have THAT rant off my chest, I hope your poor kid is still sleeping instead of wailing loudly 'cause you woke her up guffawing at absolutely nothing.) BACK TO MY RANDOM QUESTIONS. . . . . . . . . !

 Tell me this: Is it a bad thing to say "hang on" to a dog who is dancing a jig at the front door waiting to be let out to pee when said dog is quite well known for peeing and pooping on my floor at will just to piss me off? (Don't answer that.)

 I wanna know (this is for those of you who are raising pigs disguised as your offspring) exactly HOW HARD it is for you to pick up the bloody floor after said diminutive swine are done eating?? Is it seriously THAT hard to pick up whole Candied nuts, chips, candy balls, mixed nuts, HALF A PIECE of chocolate cake... ummm what else? Oh yes. Don't let me forget the bloody high chair tray that is FLOODED with iced tea or lemonade or whatever your little cob roller was drinking when they poured the cup on the highchair tray and you just left the cup laying on it's side, took the Hog In Training out of the highchair and then went waltzing outside to visit. Don't get me wrong, *I* could absolutely care less if you wanted to pour your whole can of mixed nuts, a 9X13 pan of chocolate cake in crumbs and a bag of chips on the floor. I LIKE being able to hear something getting sucked into the vacuum when I clean. BUT, what the CRAP. makes you think that you have anything resembling a light to anybody when you go about like a hurricane seeking where you may dump your mess and not have to clean it up????? (This I WOULD like an answer on.) P.S. Chocolate cake after 3 days is dried to a brown lump of concrete that stains carpet, not that you'd notice on your sty floor, but just thought you might wanna know this for reasons I can't fathom.

 Third question. How can a quarter of a bag of fertilizer spread over a whole garden cause so much wealth and bounty that I've never SEEN so many tomatoes on a plant??! (Except a Cherry Tomato.) I have 16 normal size tomato plants and 4 cherries, and my big tomatoes are producing like the cherries!! HUGE clusters of HUGE tomatoes! I finally got sick of always wanting to can all kinds of tomato stuff and never getting anything, so I said FINE! And I planted 20 plants. Now I have tomatoes. Everybody acts like that's hilarious and halfways awful. I'm like ??? did you NOT just hear me say I WANT to can a LOT of TOMATO stuff? *sigh*

 Cuatro: What in the sam hill makes people think I'm not gonna be able to HANDLE having my husbin home more often? He just started (today) a new job where he will 1. be home more 2. make more money and as an added bonus his loan on his trailer went down $9,000. A N Y WHO! There seems to always be these random folks who just HAFTA say, "Well how are you gonna be able to HANDLE him being HOME so much! I mean, you're so used to him being GONE all the time !!" My standard response is this: "I rode with him in the truck for EIGHTEEN months. AND it doesn't even have a stand-up sleeper. I THINK we might be able to handle it IN A HOUSE!" And the one that gets them EVERY time and they simply aren't quite sure what to say... "Guess what?? I married the guy 'cause I kinda LIKED him. ANd on most days it's almost like THE FEELING'S MUTUAL!" They never seem to quite be able to figure out what to say to that statement...

  I hate random hairs that grow in odd places on my face. I'm sorry I said that out loud, I hope you will continue to breath even after being subjected to such a statement.

  Have I ever mentioned that I hate it when I'm writing a post and my mind goes blank when I get done with a thought and I think of another thought and by the time I look back at the screen to put my finger on the keyboard I forget what I was gonna say? If not, consider it said. Thanks.

  Can someone tell me why the tar, when I NEVER turn my computer on anymore, that my mother swears up & down that I never do anything but sit on the computer all day?? ! And WHY she brings her Melaleuca order over here on the DAY she wants it ordered, sets it on my computer, waits 3 or 4 days and then asks me if I did her order and when I say I have no idea that she even WANTED me to order for her yet, she thinks she can get mad at me and start wailing and roaring about how she NEEDS her TEA and VITAMINS or she's gonna RUN OUT by the time she gets it because I don't have ESP and didn't order it 3 or 4 days ago? (It would BE here by now it you would have ordered it when I BROUGHT it there!!) yeah.

  What does it mean when I have so many blackish looking fingerprints on my screen that I think every white page I go to has black & brown mosaic designs on it as a water mark??

I am having momentary jet lag in my left leg from sitting here too long, so I think I shall end this wandering tale of woe. For now. Until the next time! ... ... ...

...May the rains fall soft upon your fields...

5 comments:

  1. ROFLOL.
    I knew you wouldn't fail me. :-) Shout-out and ALL.
    And I wasn't holding any guns. That I know of. It might have been smoking, but it wasn't a gun. Not hardly as deadly ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Some questions best left unanswered.....thanks for giving me things to laugh about. You are great!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Welp, now I have to get off the couch and go clean up my kid's breakfast mess! ~ Sonja

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh, you hit on one of my pet peeves in this one... parents who don't clean up after their kids... I used to work in a restaurant. And yes, I'm aware people get paid (a marginal amount) to clean but entire pancakes complete with chocolate syrup mashed into the carpeting? How does one clean that??? No one gets paid enough for that. After some people left it was like a war zone and all the people around them were in shock. And really... changing a poopy diaper ON the table IN a restaurant? HELLO??? GAR!

    ReplyDelete