Hypocrisy and Hideousness in Humanity

  I've been thinking about some things for a while now. I see stuff blasted off from all points of the compass about abortion and I hear it in conversation all the time. Apparently people who think they are pro-life have firm stances in their ideas about when a human being is formed and when it becomes something worth saving and keeping around. I have no problem with this, I too believe that babies are babies from the time they are conceived. The place I differ with most of the rest of half of the world is in the fact that I don't talk out of both sides of my mouth like so many staunch pro-lifers do. I don't scream in horror for the unborn babies while telling a grieving mom to move on and get over it and that its time to shut up already. I see no difference in worth between one of my babies who died whether it be the one who was 6 weeks or the one who was 29 weeks or any of them in between. They were my babies, I loved them, I wanted them, they were humans. They were worth just as much in God's eyes as one whose mom didn't want it and had it killed. That is the difference. You can't go off spouting all your abortion jargon while telling people like me that we're crazy for grieving and/or naming those babies we wanted.

  If it's okay to say that it's God's will that my baby died then I should be able to say that it was then God's will that a baby was allowed to be aborted. If I have to accept something out of my control, then you should also accept that some people's actions are out of YOUR control. Do you think God thinks you're pretty cool because you faithfully post stuff against abortion on Facebook while telling that one mom you know who just lost her baby that she should rejoice that her kid died? Do you really think that? If you do then perhaps you should start rejoicing at the vast army of babies that abortion sends to heaven all the time too.

  And since I'm tromping all over people's collective toes tonight, I'll put on my boots for another tromp. With the people and church I grew up in, it's a commonly held belief apparently, that suicide, attempted suicide, and murder are wonderful things. No, I'm not talking about going and killing somebody off outright with a hoe or a gun or something, I'm talking about the part where it's a sin straight across the board to EVER use birth control of ANY sort, for any reason. You know, reasons like preventing maternal death, baby death, mental illness, maternal crippling, drugged up people walking around like zombies not even knowing what's going on in their life because they can't live without drugs to make them be upright and mobile. It's apparently a sin to stay alive and/or sane by preventing a pregnancy. And since I know the uproar that this stupid subject causes, I'll say that I'm not, have never been, and never will be, talking about using it for selfish reasons. I'm talking about real issues. I'll also say that nobody gets to decide what somebody else's real issues are. You're not them. Shut up.

  Apparently it's okay to have a problem that could be fixed by using birth control for a while, meanwhile kill your baby because you are so upright and wonderful in God's eyes that you'd never do something so heinous as fix your problem the way a doctor recommended so you could have a healthy pregnancy. It's okay to be told you will be in grave danger if you get pregnant again, then take a gamble with your life and get pregnant again because you "trust God" to keep you alive if it's his will. It's fine if your mind is falling apart on you, but you're a prolific baby pump and that's your only calling in life. Sanity isn't important. It's better that your children rise up while visiting you in the mental institution and call you blessed.

  I wanna know what makes the kids you already have so worthless? How come your husband doesn't need you around? Why aren't any of them important? Why do you think you need to risk your life and sanity to have your own baseball team? Is there a special level in heaven and a solid diamond crown waiting for you if you die in childbirth or go insane from popping them out every 13 1/2 months? Do you get points for never using birth control even though you killed off a few kids to have that perfect record? What about if you go the opposite way and do all sorts of stuff so you CAN have a baby? Isn't that birth control? Isn't that on the same spectrum of "taking matters into your own hands" and "playing God?"

  I don't get where this thinking came from. I never have and it's even more mystifying to me that people say that this subject is between women, their husbands, and God, and then promptly shove their heads into somebody else's Fallopian tubes if they think there's the remotest possibility that the person might be doing something to halt or space the reproduction. It's hilarious to me that people are so worried about somebody else's offspring count that they make huge leaps in assumption about why somebody isn't pregnant if they decide they probably should be. You don't know what you're even talking about five quarters of the time anyway.

  Here's a good scenario to prove that people can't ever make up their minds about my female organs. I met my husband in August, got married in Janury when we had known each other for 4.5 months. This was because I was pregnant. Naturally nobody ever gets married fast because they like each other, it's gotta be because they are pregnant out of wedlock. Strange phenomenon because I didn't happen to lose my 13 week pregnancy until our 6 month anniversary. Then we used birth control because our first live kid wasn't born until we'd been married for 2 years, 1 month, and 11 days. After that I'm not sure what happened in their decision making process for my bedroom, because I either had a kid or lost one every year until 2014. One year I had one and lost another the same year. Then because I said "I can't ever do this again." while holding my dead baby's still warm body, I got shipped off to hell with a happy laughing devil who was rejoicing he had me now. I haven't heard the latest gossip about me yet... If you know please let me know what the people have decided I should be doing. 

  What the shit is wrong with people? Is there a reason that a mother on the verge of never being able to have kids again in her life has to be subjected to judgements by pathetic humans who don't have the sense to care about anything but the health of her uterus and its ability to pop out more kids? Is there a reason that someone who can't have kids and does all sorts of stuff to try to have a baby is told they're wrong? Why would you tell someone whose mental state is so fragile they can't even form a coherent thought process that they're headed to hell if they stop having kids?  What possible biblical backing could you have for telling a person that even adoption is wrong if you can't have your own baby the "normal" way? Is there something wrong with this picture or is it just me sitting here wondering at the duplicity and subterfuge in reproduction that goes on by humans who are trying to play God in another human's life?

  If you literally think God is big, all knowing, and able to save that which is lost then why must you jog about the earth hitting people over the head with your twisted sense of what your religion says he stands for? Is God the one saving people or did he get crippled without me knowing about it and hire some goons to do the job for him? Do you actually think that you're doing a good job filling in God's gaps by stepping in and condemning people for stuff you know nothing about? Interesting that you think you know people's deepest thoughts and the intents of their hearts. I guess I thought that God was the one who decided stuff and that everybody answers to him and not other humans who broaden their phylacteries so wide that that's all their wearing by the time they die.

  It's funny to me also that people can have long and loud debates about birth control, but the minute you mention sex they aren't talking about THAT. Huh. I was under the assumption that you didn't ever have a use for one if you didn't do the other. Thought they went hand in hand. What is the stupid stigma about anyway? Why is it okay for you to creep around somebody's bedroom investigating their sex life but it's not okay to talk about "such things."

  You can't have both, you can't have an opinion and not have an opinion. You can't think it's okay to tell someone to rejoice that their wanted baby died, while you wail loudly over a baby who wasn't. You can't think it's wrong to stop a baby from forming while thinking the next person is wrong for trying to get one formed. You can't say that God saves people and then try to save them yourself by beating them in the skull with your pet verse in some random form of justification for speaking your mind that never applied to you in the first place. You can't expect people to believe you if you're two faced and talk with a forked tongue like a snake. You can't ship somebody off to hell in a hand basket without going there yourself in the same basket. With what judgment you judge you'll be judged. Get over yourself, it's not always about you. Second greatest commandment is love your neighbor as yourself. Charity is kind, thinketh no evil... All that stuff.

  Try applying it sometime when you think that one of these evil sins might possibly be crossing your path. You might find out how to love human people like you love that pedestal you stand your religion on.