Be Yourself. No, Not Like THAT!

 I find it interesting that in 9 years, 2 months and 12 days people have yet to allow me to "get over" a kids death my own way. Why in the world do people think that they have a clue? Why is it okay to compare losses? If you wanna compare losses, I COULD be a bitch and tell you that YOU should shut up because you don't know what this is like for ME because you haven't lost the same number or lost them the same way as I've lost any of mine... but I don't. Have you noticed that?

 I haven't clapped you upside the head with a stick and said "I figure I can take as much time before I rejoice as you did when your grief hit." I haven't said, "YOU only lost ONE kid. What would you know?" I haven't said, "You're an idiot. What would possibly make you think I don't know the sun's gonna keep rising every day? I learned that 9 years ago." I didn't reply to the texts talking about how much I must miss my baby so much and did I hear so-and-so had their kid? with the phrase I wanted to, because it started with a large scale, bold print, neon red, capital F. Why? Because even people like me sometimes use their head. And because my dad always told me "When you're dealing with THOSE kind of people it's best to not say or do anything you'll have to repent for, because then that starts another set of problems." I'm not sure why, or what good it does, but sometimes I could almost be accused of having a brain in my head that I know how to use... unlike some people who I won't mention publicly. *snort*

 I still find it fascinating how some people are so ever loving shallow that they can't read what I say, and read it for what it is: Something written by someone who is sick and tired of the short end of the dead kid stick. I'm not sure why after all this time and all these years and all these things I've cried and groaned and screamed, that people still feel the urge to tell me what to do and how to do it and approximately how long it's okay. IF that is, what I said was acceptable in the first place, which it wasn't, because it has never fit the proper, accepted, Eleventh Commandment norm.

 What exactly is the point? I'm big and bold and ferocious and pissed and crying about it so you think it would be a good idea to take a stick and beat me down a peg? Never mind that when you read what I wrote, you're forgetting I was so far down in the pit that I wasn't even near a peg on the ladder. It's just fine to go kick people in the gut when they're down these days... It'll pump them up and give them a shot in the arm and they'll be more able to pull themselves up by the bootstraps eh?

 Lemme tell you what I'd rather do with my bootstrap. Use it as a lariat and then whale you with the boot itself. So I guess if that's your intent, to get me up off the ground, you accomplished your goal... but it may not quite look like what you envisioned when it's all said and done.

 I also find it interesting that certain people think they have a right to an opinion on what the proper method of getting hell week off my mind is. Along with that I find it amazing how blatantly stupid some people are. If they actually think I didn't notice that not a single one of them have ever bothered to remember a single one of our heaven kid's birth dates or even that they had one in the first place... to the point of arguing with me about one's existence, they have a day of reckoning looming in deadly proximity.

 And no, lest you get your undies in a bunch about that statement, I'm not talking a NodAndSmile acquaintance. I don't expect the general populous to notice or care. They went to a funeral and went home or else they prayed for a while and forgot. That's what general populations do. I know that. But why would I think anything different? They didn't care about the last ones that lived either, how would a dead one be something to acknowledge?

 Oh, pardon me. This post has a slightly bitter and sardonic edge to it. I forgot I don't have any reason to feel either of those. Best run get your stick to hit me with while I go get a size 13 steel toed work boot so we can finish this off right and kill each other like civilized people. Sorry, had to put that in there. It fit nicely.