You Might be Pregnant If...

You drop an ink pen on the floor and you:
A. Spend half an hour trying to pick it up with your toes. (Which in turn cause horrible Charlie Horses in various muscles in your legs which make you forget you dropped a pen.)
B. Yell for the nearest kid to come hand you your pen.
C. Walk across the house to get a new pen instead of going through all the work of picking up the other one.

If you head to the closet to get ready to go somewhere and before you leave you:
A. Try on 14 different shirts that don't fit you anymore even though you wore them 2 days ago.
B. Create a replica of a scene from Trail of the Twister. (Which is a Nancy Drew game if you didn't know that. ;))
C. Have several kids of various sizes asking you why you keep taking off the shirt you just spent 5 minutes working over your head.

If you go to bed and by the time you get comfortable you;
A. Have to pee.
B. Are dying of Cotton Mouth Disease so you have to sit up and drink 16 oz of water.
C. Remember you need lip balm and/or lotion on your hands because they're so dry they itch.
D. All of the above.

If you have to get up out if bed 4 times because every time you got up to do all of the above you forgot one of them. (BONUS!! You get more exercise after you're so tired you can't pry your eyelids open anymore than you did all day long.)

If you sit down on the floor and then:
A. Have a kid yell, "come help!! Mommy's sitting on the floor!!"
B. Have to crawl a couple feet to the closest price of furniture so you can use it for leverage.
C. Call 1-800-4ACRANE

If you try to roll over in bed at night and you:
A. Jolt wide awake because your entire thigh is caught in the throes of Charlie's newest horse.
B. Roll wrong and spend the next half hour doubled over in agony because you stretched a round ligament the wrong way. (HA! Or perhaps just stretched it. Forget the wrong way business.)
C. Get a cramp in your toe because you tried kicking the blanket off wrong.

If you need to sneeze, but you first must:
A. Bend over double.
B. Squat.
C. Hope the road to the bathroom is clear so you can immediately change your underwear.

If you need to cough and you must repeat all the steps above.

If you go to light a candle but can't find your lighter you keep above the stove, so you:
A. Organize the whole junk box while looking for it.
B. Call your husband and accuse him of thievery.
C. Hang up a few pictures/calendars/aprons as a result of A.
D. All of the above.

If you need to shave your legs, but:
A. The shower is too small.
B. The water runs in the wrong spot and rinses off the shave cream before you can use it.
C. You have to keep putting your leg down to re-balance yourself every 2 swipes with the shaver, which in turn rinses off more unused shave cream.
D. All of the above.

If your kids refer to your belly as your shelf, because you can:
A. Rest the book you are reading on it.
B. Safely hold your water cup on it.
C. Use it as a catch-all tray for any food that might fall off your fork.
D. Use it as a pillow for the 1 year old in church.
E. All of the above.

If there is no such thing as maternity pants that stay up, so:
A. Your husband threatens to buy you suspenders.
B. You wear jammy pants all day every day.
C. You pull your pants up 9,862 times an hour.

If you vehemently shout to someone and you;
A. Forget what you want them to do midshout.
B. Forget the name of the object you're talking about.
C. Forget who you're talking to.
D. Forget that you said anything.
E. All of the above.

If you go into the bathroom to pee, but you:
A. Put eye drops in.
B. Change the sheets in the crib before you get to the bathroom.
C. Put a load of clothes washing.
D. Empty the dryer.
E. See empty dog water dish by the dryer & go to fill it.
F. Empty the dishwasher.
G. Fill the dishwasher so you have room to full the dog dish.
H. Hear running water and remember you have to pee.
I. Go to your bathroom to pee and hang the towels on the hooks where they belong.
J. Get a toothbrush and brush your teeth while you pee.
K. All of the above in chronological order.

If you read any of these and;
A. Laughed.
B. Agreed.
C. Sympathized.
D. Empathized.
E. All of the above.