+ Positively Ridiculous +

 Lets see here. I've been informed that I haven't blogged since May I think she said, which is wrong. But be that as it may, *snicker* I do agree its past time to say, sputter or rant about something. I'm just positive that the next person who implies I should only blog if I'm being positive will cross my cables and make a spark.

 I have been dealing with lot of stuff lately, hence my silence— here and on FB... My mother was seeming to lose her mind, but I have finally come to the conclusion it was caused by malnourishment... She dropped from 133 at the end of October to 101 in the middle of February. She's had diarrhea since her surgery and was only eating 3 times a day if that, and not drinking as much as she should have, thereby causing herself things like lack of potassium and such... resulting in ER visits and blood pressures of 89/40 and such. She is also SEVERELY anemic so she is now taking iron pills and I'm making her take chlorophyll besides. Now the only problem is the conflicts of interest. FOR EXAMPLE, I put things away as I use them and she doesn't. I organize things and put things away with like things, for example, I put away spatulas with spatulas, whisks with whisks, peelers with peelers, etc. She doesn't. She calls that illogical, I don't. To her it's fine if the crap is spread higglty pigglty all over the land in no order whatsoever, and to me it's not. I can't fathom why you'd wanna live in a mess all the time, she can. I mean seriously. My kids are bad enough and I'm trying to teach them to be neat and put stuff away!! I'm positive if someone came into your house and did these things you'd be getting negative after a while. And I'm also positive you'd freak out if your mother suddenly acted like she had senile dementia.

 I will also note that these issues along with the stress of having an odd numbered baby inside me have caused my blood pressure to hover around the 143/96 area. And when I was ordered to take it easy, lay on my left side & drink water etc, I got chewed out by mom for doing it and not following the instructions in the Melaleuca Remedy book immediately. (Which I actually have been doing since the beginning of time, i.e. take the Vitality Pack. I refuse to take the heart medicine while pg and drinking Melaleuca tea seems to be the most recommended thing they write in that book. Either way, her idea wouldn't get it down any faster than the way the Dr recommended, especially since it's stress induced, not caused by heart disease, for Pete's sake! This did not cause my blood pressure to go down, and I'm positive Dr. Shaneen's blood pressure went up when I told her this turn of events.

 In addition, I think we have been sick all year. I went in December 31st with a hideous cough that felt like my chest was gonna cave in every time I coughed, was given a nebulizer treatment & sent home with an inhaler. I had to go back 2 days later for follow up, whereupon she gave me an antibiotic and my cough thingy finally went away. Resa was not so fortunate. She coughed for ages more and finally had to go on antibiotic to clear that up. When she was done with that, she got the world's worst diaper rash that wouldn't go away and before that cleared up she had to go on another antibiotic for an ear infection. Nystatin cleared up the butt and antibiotic & Hylands Earache Tablets took care of the ears, and then she got pink eye. Which spread to the older girls, and then mom who insists that if she doesn't physically touch her eye she doesn't have to wash her hands and now I think I'm getting it. Seriously, how do you inform a 72 year old that she HAS TO WASH HER HANDS every time she cleans the goop out of her eye even if her finger doesn't touch it?? Good grief. I'm positive you'd be going nuts also if you had to deal with all this on top of normal every day life which for some dumb reason doesn't seem to stop even if you're exhausted from staying awake all hours doling out medicine and eye drops.

 One of the few Sundays this year that we actually made it to church, we came home and while I was fixing our food I noticed a weird lump deal on the hound. For some reason, in spite of my continual threats to her life, and instead of using this as a golden opportunity to be rid of her, I decided her life must be spared, so I began shoving vitamins A, C &E down her throat with alarming regularity (from her viewpoint.) The next morning she didn't seem to be able to walk which is weird, by that night (after 4 doses of ACE) she was sort of walking normal and the lump was almost gone. The next morning she was leaping around and by 3 days later I was once again threatening to kill her for eating Resa's poop diaper and spreading it around my living room. I'm positive you'd do the same.

 I have a rant or two up my sleeve before I regale you with my hideous morning I was given this day... I have a lot of things to say about hypocrites. First of all they piss me off. (No, don't pardon my French. I said that on purpose.) I blew a gasket so far gone one day last month I think it's still in orbit somewhere. Hopefully it'll collect a bunch of space debris before coming back to earth and then land with a crash at a few people's houses. You see, I'm positive that it's the stupidest thing ever on the face of the earth, to completely shun someone for sinning and for living in sin and for having babies out of wedlock and for drinking and for whatever other horrible sin you can think of that you wanna shun them for, and then suddenly, when a major life event happens, i.e., a wedding, funeral etc... you come out of the bloody woodwork to be at said event. I wanna know where in the Bible you're getting your info that says you can't associate with sinners because then they'll think you condone what they are doing? And to top it off? I wanna know how in the Sam Hill you think you have the remotest right on this green earth to suddenly show up at a funeral of someone who was too sinful for you to have anything to do with while they were alive? I wanna know what exactly makes you think that after all the smack you've talked about someone's lifestyle, you should show up at their wedding all hunky dory and think they aren't looking at you saying "Yep, I know why THEY'RE here!! They came to see how worldly of a wedding we're having so they can go gossip about it." Trust me. I heard the words said when someone attended a wedding they'd condemned. And most importantly? I wanna know what makes you think that treating people like this is gonna make them want to be a Christian since that's what you claim to be?? I'm positive that if I get an explanation it'll be anonymous. *snicker*

 My other rant is this. Tell me. Since when are Christians REQUIRED to be happy all the time? since when are Christians not HUMAN? Since when are Christians supposed to be made to feel like shit because they have a problem with *gasp* depression (which in case you didn't get the memo, means that they aren't happy?) I just about jumped up during a service I was at and told the preacher just what I thought about his "You're a Christian. You're SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY. You should NEVER be sad, because you're a CHRISTIAN." I wanna know this: WHAT. IF. YOU. ARE? What if you're NOT happy? What if you're suffering from depression, having suicidal thoughts and you go to church as a last resort and you're being beaten up by the devil (who just happens to be telling you that since you're a Christian you're not SUPPOSED to be feeling this way) and you hear in a sermon that you're sinning by being unhappy?? How's that gonna make you feel? Tell me!! I'm positive I'm gonna have a sermon for the next imbecile who claims that Christians are required to be something that isn't always humanly possible.

 This morning I gave my kids a bath in their tub, because I wasn't in the mood today to haul them and all their paraphernalia into my bathroom so I could keep track of them and I could have my second shower for the week while they wrinkled away in my tub. (My tub is huge and across the room from the shower, for those confused by logistics.) ANYWAY, I gave big girls a bath & let them pickle and paint with their weird bathtub paint stuff while I did some tax stuff. After much shrieking from the bathroom I decided to haul Resa in, wash the big kids up and let her soak while they got lotioned & dressed & combed. All great in theory. Add Rachel into the mix and all is not well on the homefront.

 I must insert here that said girl, prior to entering the realm of the tub, had undertaken to swallow some garlic. I press it and then scrape it into her mouth and she washes it down quick with orange juice. Wonderful plan. But not today. Today there was lots of humidity in the air which caused her wires to short-circuit or ground out or something. I gave her the preliminary mouthful of OJ & told her to swallow it. Instead she opened her mouth and juice started pouring out. Easy fix right? Shut your mouth and all will be well? Not if you have grounding issues. She opened her mouth wider when I told her to shut it, and then when she felt the juice drop onto her leg she looked down to see what the wet substance was. And due to the grounding issues she kept her mouth open the entire time. And ended with me screaming like a fishwife at her to shut her mouth, while she stared at a soaked shirt, soaked pants, puddles on the booster seat, chair, chair leg & floor. I'm positive that OJ multiplies more than a gallon of spilled milk does. She only swallowed 1/2 a tablespoon and spit out 3/4 of a cup.

 Back to the bathroom. I told Resa to go take a bath and she raced as fast as she could to the bathroom and commenced to try climbing in fully clothed. I decided to wash up the other girls real quick so they didn't have to rinse their hair in nasty water and also, it'd keep the bathroom dryer because Resa likes flapping her hands in running water. SO, I washed Rosie's hair quick, and got her all soaped up & rinsed off. (I must insert here that in their tub they have one of those hose shower heads for ease of rinsing small heads & stuff.) All was going well, and I was reaching for the shampoo to start Rachel's hair when she grabbed the shower head to spray herself --which isn't allowed AT ALL, for reasons you shall soon discover-- As she grabbed the shower nozzle she managed to point it toward the outside of the tub and was dangerously close to bathing the whole world. I screeched for her to let go of it before I got sprayed, so she did. BUT, with one small complication. Remember I said it's the hose shower head? Have you ever seen one of those things? This one is a nice metal-like hose deal and it's great because it's always flexible and never kinks and stuff. But it also twirls around easily with the force of the water if it's stream happens to hit the side of the tub at the wrong angle. Naturally, when Rachel let go of the hose it's water hit the wall at the wrong angle, which propelled it into a swinging circular motion. Since I was the only one to rectify this situation I grabbed for the hose, but due to the fact that it was wildly swinging and whirling like it was possessed, it only succeeded in thwapping it into wilder gyrations. All the while I was bellowing unintelligibly while Resa screamed bloody murder because she was getting doused in the face on each pass of the water. Finally I got the bloomin' thing in my hand, but naturally it was pointed directly toward me when I got it stopped so I soaked myself for extra good measure just to be sure I didn't have any dry spots left before I got the water turned away from me.

 Rachel looked at these aberrations in wonder and then started loudly denouncing the wiseness of the shower head. (It apparently is alive and does these things out of the evilness of it's heart and then blames her for starting the issue.) I meanwhile looked down at myself to see if I was still in the bathroom and saw a turd on the floor where Resa had pooped during all the excitement. Since Rosie was out of the tub I asked her to pick it up and then wash her hands while I washed Rachel up. I finally got Resa in the tub, got Rachel busy mopping the world, and turned around to see that Resa had 3 even bigger turds in the tub floating beside her. I fished the poop out, filled the tub, mopped up more of the flood with Rachel's OJ clothes and then went to change my soaking wet clothes, loudly declaring I was going to go back to bed. (This statement horrified Rachel more than any of the above happenstance.)

 I changed my clothes, finished baths, dyed my hair back to normal from gray, and then flamed off to town to pay Reece's insurance that was due yesterday, that I knew was due yesterday, but didn't realize that I was actually supposed to do something about it until today. I'm positive that if you don't have toned abs after this post you're a lost cause, so good night.