Watch What YOU say

 I thought of something this morning. I was laying there in the half awake daze where you realize stuff and I was wondering if I've ever said all the stupid stuff to people that they have said to me. Now if you don't know me, I'm one of those people who has to know something before I say I know it. If I'm gonna give my opinion on what God thinks about death I'm gonna spend hours reading the Bible about death first. If I tell you about the Proverbs 31 lady I'm gonna read about her first and actually take what it says for what it says.

 With baby loss and miscarriages and still borns, I was clueless about them. Nobody talked about it. I knew people who lost babies in some way shape or form but I don't remember saying anything to them. I couldn't imagine how sad it must be. I remember crying for them and with them, but I didn't know what to say so I just hugged a lot. Yet, because of my Carry Us With Grace post, I've been told to watch what I say.

 Then I got married and a few months later we were parents too. That was May. Actually it was Mother's Day in 2006 that I had my first positive pregnancy test. I remember being excited and terrified and two weeks later, sicker than a dog. It was great. But on our six month anniversary, we were in an ER in Michigan while I bled all over creation and had my first ultrasound that had nothing at all in the big open space where somebody should have been living.

 That is when my list of what not to ever, ever say to someone started to be compiled. One of the FIRST things I was told was that it could be my fault because I may have had a thought that I didn't want to be pregnant and God heard that. The second was that it wasn't a baby yet. And of course everybody talked soberly and solemnly about God's plan. Next was "at least you know you can get pregnant." And "at least you didn't have to go through labor."

 By the time Raina came along I'd heard half the useless hurtful stuff. Then I heard that "it's not like grieving your dad because it's only grieving a future, not a past" and more stuff about God's will. 

 Everything happens for a reason.

 God needed another angel.

 They're in a better place.

 Rejoice they're in heaven.

 Be thankful for the ones you have.

 And then Radley came. And then he left. Forever. And I lost all niceness. I've said it so many times in the last ten months, "My nice died about 3am on September 4, 2014, don't say stupid stuff."

 I'm done with it. I'm sick of dead kids. I'm sick of the game of Russian roulette. I'm tired of being told what to think and feel and how to act. I'm tired of pretending it's all fine and giving in to what society wants you to think. Because it's NOT fine, and society is WRONG for discrediting my babies lives because they were too short. They lived. Every single one of them. And I loved every single one of them while they lived and I still do. They were my kids and they still are. 

 I'm tired of the brush offs and the false expectations. I ain't doing it no more. I am going to talk and talk until everybody is sick of hearing what I'm saying and then I'll talk some more and tell them I'm just as sick of SAYING it all in the first place. I am GOING to keep being people's voice and I AM going to keep saying what's hurtful.

 After Radley died the random things didn't faze me any more. But there is one thing that pisses me off above all others and that is saying that this is God's will. That he sends these things to try us. I will NEVER again hear that without wanting to smack somebody. It is so erroneously wrong that it's just weird. God allows things, yes. Death is one of those things. Death of babies or kids is NOT something he SENDS to try us or chastise us or to make all things work together for them that love God.

 If I had a pool and the kids asked if they could get in the pool and I said yes, I'd be allowing them to get in the pool. Now if the kids were playing Candy Land and I went and told them, go get your swim clothes on and get in the pool, I would be sending them. Now, same type of deal. If somebody walked into the NICU and killed a baby, everybody would be outraged and call them a murderer and they'd be right. But if they die of reasons unknown and unexplainable, people call God a murderer and don't even pay attention to the fact that they're doing it.

 The fact that Jesus said that the thief is come to kill and to steal and destroy but HE is come that we may have life and have it more abundantly tells me something. The fact that Jesus came to win the VICTORY over death tells me something. The fact that death will be thrown into the lake of fire tells me something. The fact that death is the last ENEMY that will be destroyed tells me something.

 If you wanna feel and believe all that, go ahead and believe it. But don't go around telling all these grieving people that. And by the way, SOME people may like hearing it. Very few some in my experience, but some may. But I have seen and heard more people who have turned or feel like turning away from God because of statements like that.

 Stop and think about it. Do you really want to say your piece at the cost of someone's belief and faith? Is it really that important to you to give them your opinion? Are you able to back up your statement with scripture or are you just saying it because that's what everybody says? Be careful when following the masses, sometimes the M is silent.